PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 18

On this day in 1831, The University of Alabama is founded. Degrees are offered in a wide variety of disciplines including plantation management and cousin-fucking.

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On this day in 1857, "The Spirits Book" by Allan Kardec is published, marking the birth of Spiritualism in France.

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On this day in 1912, the Cunard liner RMS Carpathia brings 705 survivors from the RMS Titanic to New York City.

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On this day in 1924, Simon & Schuster publishes the first crossword puzzle book.

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On this day in 1930, the BBC reports that no news has taken place on that day, followed by some piano music and a return to that weird old-timey music like they play at the end of The Shining.

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On this day in 1958, a United States federal court rules that American poet Ezra Pound should be released from St. Elizabeth's Psychiatric Hospital, the asylum where he'd been held since the end of World War II for making pro-Fascist broadcasts on behalf of Mussolini, among other insults to The Powers That Be. Prior to the First World War and for a short while after it, Pound had been one of the most - if not the single most - influential Western intellectual in the Modern tradition. He helped usher in the careers of everybody from T.S. Eliot and James Joyce to Robert Frost and Ernest Hemingway. Blaming the meat grinder slaughter of World War I on international capitalism and usury, he devoted his life to seeking out a more equitable monetary system and finding an alternative, more mystical view of life. He thought he'd found the latter in Fascist Italy. He was wrong, with tragic results.

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On this day in 1980, the Republic of Zimbabwe (formerly Rhodesia) comes into being, with Canaan Banana as the country's first President. The Zimbabwean dollar replaces the Rhodesian dollar as the official currency. And they all lived happily ever after.

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On this day in 1983, a suicide bomber detonates a delivery van packed with 2000 lbs of explosives outside the United States embassy in Beirut, Lebanon, killing 63 people, mostly embassy and CIA staff. It was the deadliest attack on a U.S. diplomatic mission up to that time, and the use of suicide bombing increased afterwards, culminating in the extremely destructive attacks on the U.S. Marine and French Paratrooper barracks in Beirut on October 23 of the same year, in which 299 French and American soldiers lost their lives.

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On this day in 1996, in Lebanon, at least 106 civilians are killed when the Israel Defense Forces shell the United Nations compound at Quana where more than 800 civilians had taken refuge.

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On this day in 2014, sixteen people are killed in an avalanche on Mount Everest. They probably shouldn't have been there anyway.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 17

On this day in 1397, Geoffrey Chaucer begins telling his Canterbury Tales for the first time at the court of Richard II. Chaucer scholars have also identified this date (in 1387) as the start of the book's pilgrimage to Canterbury.

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On this day in 1897, the Aurora, Texas, UFO incident allegedly takes place. It's pretty freaking interesting, to tell you the truth.

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On this day in 1907, the Ellis Island immigration center processes 11,747 people, more than on any other day.

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On this day in 1937, Daffy Duck's first appearance, in Porky's Duck Hunt.


On this day in 1941, the Kingdom of Yugoslavia surrenders to Germany during World War II. And yet we don’t make any “surrender-monkey” jokes about Yugoslavians the way we do about the French. Why is that, do you think?

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On this day in 1961, in a massive covert operation that remains, at best, poorly understood, one thousand four hundred CIA-funded Cuban exiles (most likely trained by Bush Crime Family capo di tuti capi George Herbert "Poppy" Walker Bush) land in the Bay of Pigs, ostensibly in an abortive attempt to overthrow Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. Depending on which version of reality you believe - the officially approved version or one of the myriad competing alternative versions - this failed coup either led directly to JFK's assassination by Castro supporter Lee Harvey Oswald, or it led indirectly to his assassination by the CIA as revenge for JFK's refusal to be forced into providing air support for a military action the Executive branch had no part in planning. Personally, yer old pal Jerky considers Bay of Pigs to be a veritable Rosetta Stone for parapolitical theorists.

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On this day in 1969, Palestinian immigrant Sirhan Sirhan is found guilty of assassinating presidential candidate Robert Francis Kennedy. Just as in the assassination of his brother, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, serious doubts and troubling questions remain.

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On this day in 1975, the Khmer Rouge captures the Cambodian capital city Phnom Penh and government forces surrender, ending that nation’s civil war, and kicking off one of the century’s bloodiest genocides.

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On this day in 1986, IBM announces it will commence the manufacture of the first ever computers using the megabit memory chip, which is capable of storing more than one million bits of electronic data, thereby bringing us out of the age of ascii nudes, which led directly to the era of masturbation-worthy computer porn.

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On this day in 2013, an incredibly powerful explosion occurs at a fertilizer plant in the city of West, Texas, killing 15 and injuring 160, thus proving once and for all the old adage "Everything is KABOOM-er in Texas."

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 16

On this day in the year 73 AD, the Jewish fortress of Masada falls to the Romans after several months of siege... or not. The only thing we really know for sure about this legendary siege and the site on which it is located is that the remains found there - which were given a state funeral with full military honors by the Israeli government in 1982 - mostly consisted of (ahem) pig bones.

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On this day in 1943, Swiss chemist Albert Hoffman accidentally ingests a small amount of the chemical byproduct known as LSD-25 while working at the Sandoz pharmaceutical research laboratory, thereby discovering its psychoactive properties. Since then, it's been a long strange trip through Nazi/CIA mind-control experiments, the offices of National Review Magazine, and really bad "jam" music.

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Despite the fact that George Orwell had used the term Cold War to describe the simmering tensions between Western and Soviet bloc nations on two previous occasions, popular convention has it that the financier, presidential advisor and One World Government proponent Bernard Baruch coined the term on this day in 1947, in a speech given in South Carolina. Google "The Baruch Plan" for some startling and revelatory reading.

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On this day in 2007, the deadliest killing spree in modern American history takes place at Virginia Tech, when an apocalyptically awkward South Korean student by the name of Seung-Hui Cho -- or was it someone else? -- guns down 32 and injures another 23 before turning the gun on himself. The fact that his sister works for McNeil/Veritas, a company with deep ties to the American intelligence apparatus, is of no interest whatsoever. And the fact that he went to high school with another "deranged lone nut-job" assassin is just one of those crazy coincidences that so often pop up in events of this nature.

Fair use, Link

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 15

On this day in 1896, the first Olympic Games of the Modern Era come to a close in Athens, Greece, with a relatively simple closing ceremony. First-place winners didn't win gold medals, but silver ones creepily stamped with the big, staring face of Greek pagan deity Zeus. Second-place winners got copper medals. Third-place got a handshake and a signed, autographed picture of His Royal Majesty Lord Jack Fucking Squat.

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On this day in 1955, milkshake-machine salesman Ray Kroc opens the doors to his first franchise of a McDonald's Brothers restaurant in Des Plaines, Illinois. The McDonald's restaurant chain dates its founding to this day.

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On this day in 1989, protesters begin gathering in Tienanmen Square in the People's Republic of China to commemorate the death of the recently ousted and publicly humiliated General Secretary Hu Yaobang, who was relatively liberal and reform-minded by Chinese standards. The protests would grow and intensify until June 4, at which point all Hell broke loose.

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And now for some birthday announcements:

On April 15, in 1452, Renaissance painter, sculptor, engineer, scientist, mathematician, anatomist, geologist, cartographer, inventor, musician and all-around super-genius Leonardo da Vinci is born. Seventeen years later, in the Punjab, Nanak Dev is born. He will go on to found the Sikh religion and be its first Guru. The dictionary is born on this day in 1755, when Samuel Johnson's A Dictionary of the English Language is first published in London. The General Electric Company is founded on this day in 1892, and since corporations have the same rights as human beings nowadays, I guess it's only fitting that this event be listed as a birthday. In 1920, psychiatrist and humanist Thomas Szasz is born. He later emerges as one of the most eloquent voices speaking out against the mis-use and abuse of science, reason and medicine as a tool for social control. The road atlas was born on this day on 1924, when Rand McNally publishes the first book of its kind. In 1942, Bush Crime Family crony Kenny-Boy Lay is born... Enron ensues. And, finally, on this day in 1970, exactly nine months after his parents consummate their wedding vows while bathed in the flickering glow of a Niagara Falls motel room TV set reporting the stupendous news that two human beings were actually walking on the goddamn Moon... yer old pal Jerky is born.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 14

On this day in 1846, the Donner Party loads up its wagons in Springfield, Illinois, and begins the long trek west, for California. In Colorado, they get caught in a box canyon during a freak early winter storm. Cannibalism ensues.

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On this day in 1865, at roughly 10 PM, President Abraham Lincoln is shot once in the back of the head by popular stage actor, ardent secessionist and Confederate Secret Service agent John Wilkes Booth. Booth was part of a conspiracy of Confederate sympathizers who plotted the simultaneous assassinations of President Lincoln, Secretary of State William Seward and Vice President Andrew Johnson. Booth was the sole co-conspirator to succeed in carrying out his part in the plot. Although Seward was brutally slashed by Lewis Powell, he survived. George Atzerodt, VP Johnson's would-be assassin, lost his nerve and didn't even try. After shooting Lincoln, Booth beat a hasty retreat, but authorities caught up with him just before dawn on April 26. After a brief stand-off, the barn in which Booth was hiding was set on fire, then he was shot in the neck by Sergeant Boston Corbett, contrary to explicit orders that Booth be taken alive. Rumors persist to this day that the man Corbett shot was not Booth. Some believe Lincoln's assassin lived to a ripe old age under an assumed identity in Mexico. By mid-summer of 1865, eight of Booth's co-conspirators were found guilty of taking part in the assassination plot, and 4 were hanged by the neck until dead.

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On this day in 1912, at 11:40 PM, the RMS Titanic hits an iceberg in the North Atlantic. The ship sinks the following morning, killing 1,517. It is the sinking that launched a great many conspiracy theories involving everything from an insurance scam switcheroo to the forced passage of the Federal Reserve Act... and one phenomenally successful (if somewhat sappy) Hollywood movies.

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On this day in 2002, two days after a CIA-backed businessman's coup is overturned by an outraged citizenry, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez makes a triumphant and bloodless return to office. It would take another decade before the CIA would succeed in their attempts to remove Chavez from office again - this time, doing so in such a manner that precluded any odds-defying return to power.

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On this day in 2003, ten years ago to the day, the Human Genome Project announces that it has completed sequencing 99% of the human genome to an accuracy of 99.99%. Let the custom-built New World Order genocide pandemics begin!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 13

On this day in the year 1953 - in a development that was a direct outgrowth of the American Establishment’s disastrous decision to recruit the elite of the Nazi scientific and intelligence communities in order to prevent the Soviets from scooping them up to use against us in the then-brewing Cold War - CIA director Allen Dulles launches the mind-control program MKULTRA. According to a recently declassified CIA document from May 5^th, 1955, MKULTRA was devoted to the discovery of the following materials and methods: 

1. Substances which will promote illogical thinking and impulsiveness to the point where the recipient would be discredited in public. 
2. Substances which increase the efficiency of mentation and perception. 
3. Materials which will prevent or counteract the intoxicating effect of alcohol. 
4. Materials which will promote the intoxicating effect of alcohol.
5. Materials which will produce the signs and symptoms of recognized diseases in a reversible way so that they may be used for malingering, etc.
6. Materials which will render the indication of hypnosis easier or otherwise enhance its usefulness. 
7. Substances which will enhance the ability of individuals to withstand privation, torture and coercion during interrogation and so-called "brainwashing". 
8. Materials and physical methods which will produce amnesia for events preceding and during their use. 
9. Physical methods of producing shock and confusion over extended periods of time and capable of surreptitious use. 
10. Substances which produce physical disablement such as paralysis of the legs, acute anemia, etc. 
11. Substances which will produce "pure" euphoria with no subsequent let-down. 
12. Substances which alter personality structure in such a way that the tendency of the recipient to become dependent upon another person is enhanced. 
13. A material which will cause mental confusion of such a type that the individual under its influence will find it difficult to maintain a fabrication under questioning. 
14. Substances which will lower the ambition and general working efficiency of men when administered in undetectable amounts. 
15. Substances which will promote weakness or distortion of the eyesight or hearing faculties, preferably without permanent effects.
16. A knockout pill which can surreptitiously be administered in drinks, food, cigarettes, as an aerosol, etc., which will be safe to use, provide a maximum of amnesia, and be suitable for use by agent types on an ad hoc basis. 
17. A material which can be surreptitiously administered by the above routes and which in very small amounts will make it impossible for a man to perform any physical activity whatever.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 12

On this day in 1638, the Roman Catholic legal body known as the Inquisition begins its trial of Galileo Galilei. The famed scientist and astronomer was charged on suspicion of heresy, and was ultimately found “vehemently suspect” of holding the opinion that - contrary to Holy Scripture - the Sun, and not the Earth, is at the center of the Universe. By the end of his trial, Galileo was sentenced to imprisonment “at the pleasure of the Inquisition”… and a great deal of pleasure did the religious authorities of the day derive from their victory over that arrogant upstart, the Scientific Method, you can be sure. Galileo’s works were gathered up and destroyed, and further publications were forbidden. He was held under house arrest for the rest of his natural life, during which time he wrote one of his most important works: Two New Sciences. Fortunately, Galileo was allowed a certain degree of freedom during this time, and was allowed to have visitors. Two of these visitors were the world-historic philosophers Thomas “Leviathan” Hobbes and Rene “Cogito Ergo Sum” Descartes.

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On this day in 1861, the first shot of the American Civil War is fired by a Confederate soldier in the general direction of Fort Sumter, in the harbor of Charleston, South Carolina. By the time the last shot of the war is fired, more Americans will have died in that conflict than in World War I, World War II, the Korean Conflict and Vietnam… COMBINED. It was a goddamn bloodbath.

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On this day in 1945, at 3:35 in the afternoon, during the fourth month of his fourth term in office, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt dies of a massive cerebral hemorrhage at the age of 63. His vice president, Harry Truman, assumes the Presidency later that same day.

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On this day in 1961, Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin becomes the first human being to travel into outer space and perform the first manned orbital flight. From agrarian peasant feudalism to the loftiest heights of scientific achievement in a mere three generations? Way to go, you communist Rooskie bastards!

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On this day in 1968, the Skull Valley Sheep Kill takes place. A rancher came upon a startling scene when he went to check on his herds of sheep. Six thousand of the fluffy white creatures, which had been grazing peaceably on a piece of property in Utah, all mysteriously and simultaneously dropped dead for some reason. That reason most likely had something to do with their neighbors, the military’s Dugway Proving Ground, where locals had always suspected chemical weapons were tested, despite the government’s absolute and implacable silence on the issue. In fact, government silence on the topic was so complete and so long-lasting that it wasn’t until three decades after the incident that a Defense Department report was made public, revealing that of course the animals were killed by a leak of deadly VX nerve gas, and of course the military knew all about it, for fuck’s sake.

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On this day in 1994, the first massive commercial Usenet SPAM message is posted by the husband-and-wife lawyer team of Laurence Canter and Martha Siegel. The couple splash their “Green Card Lottery” SPAM across a grand total of 5,500 Usenet discussion groups, pissing off everyone from Trekkies to Furries to the 7 dedicated members of the alt.binaries.images.sex.fetish.erotica.Gillian-Anderson-head-on-other-womens-bodies newsgroup. And yet… it worked! In a 1994 interview, Canter & Siegel claim to have gained a thousand new clients and earned over a hundred thousand dollars with an ad that cost pennies! Insert your own Christian Bale "Good for you!” sound effect here.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 11

On this day in the year 1775, for the last time on European soil, an individual found guilty of the crime of witchcraft is killed in an official, state-sanctioned execution, in Germany.

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On this day in 1868, shogun Tokugawa Yoshinobu surrenders Edo Castle to Imperial forces, marking the end of Japan's Shogun era and the beginning of the Meiji Restoration. This development came about partly because, after American Commodore Matthew Perry showed up in Japan accompanied by an impressive fleet of technologically advanced warships, Japanese elites collectively freaked out. They hatched a plan to get rid of the samurai class and the feudal, agrarian system over which they presided and replace it with a more forward-thinking oligarchy, headed up by a hereditary figurehead, the aforementioned Emperor Meiji. In less than half a century, the combination of rapid cultural change, techno-fetishism, the sublimation of a disgruntled samurai remnant and increasingly obsessive Emperor worship would lead to some of the most unfortunate chapters in the history of all mankind.

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On this day in 1876, the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks is first organized. They remain one of the leading fraternal orders in the United States, with over one million dues-paying members.

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On this day in 1941, the Nazis take over Germany's most popular Jewish weekly newspaper. The abrupt change in editorial tone proves unpopular with subscribers. Sales plummet.

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On this day in 1951, less than four months after its theft from Westminster Abbey by Scottish nationalist university students, the Stone of Scone is discovered hidden beneath the altar of Arbroath Abbey in Scotland. The origins of the so-called "Stone of Destiny", which played a minor role in the recent film The King's Speech, is shrouded in mystery. Some claim that it dates back to Antiquity, or even that it is the legendary "Stone of Jacob", the rock upon which the biblical patriarch was resting his head when he was delivered a "divine revelation" from Jehovah, as detailed in the Book of Genesis. But it's probably just a rock.

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On this day in 1961, the trial of fugitive Nazi technocrat Adolf Eichmann begins in Jerusalem. After World War II, Eichmann had fled to Argentina under an assumed name, where he worked for Mercedes-Benz until he was identified, located, then kidnapped by the Mossad, who brought him to Israel to stand trial for his central role in organizing the Holocaust. He was found guilty and hanged in 1962, the only person ever to be executed in Israel based on the findings of a civilian court.

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On this day 1968, President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the Civil Rights Act into existence, prohibiting discrimination in the sale, rental, and financing of housing to individuals based on their race. At the time, pondering the effect this might have on voters in the formerly Democratic-leaning South, Johnson is said to have said: "We've lost them for a generation." It turns out he was way too optimistic.

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This day in 2001 saw the ignominious conclusion to the Hainan Island Incident, the first real crisis of Preznit Dubya's heart-breaking White House career. On April Fools Day, an American spy plane had to make an emergency landing on a Chinese island after being bumped out of the sky by a Chinese fighter jet. It was on this day, ten days later, that the 24 American crew members were released by the Chinese government, but not before the White House issued a groveling apology, which they preferred to characterize as "an expression of regret and sorrow" over the death of the Chinese driver... I mean pilot. A coincidence of note is that the American aircraft was a Navy EP-3E ARIES II signals intelligence aircraft, and the incident took place while the sun was in the Zodiac House of Aries. Aries is ruled by the planet Mars, God of War.

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And, finally -- last but definitely not least -- on this day in 2002, an attempted coup d'état takes place in Venezuela, resulting in the temporary ouster of President Hugo Chávez. If you relied on Western media to inform you about those infuriating, exasperating, incredibly inspiring days, then you have no idea what happened. I strongly urge you to give your undivided attention to the documentary, The Revolution Will Not Be Televised. It's one of the most important documents ever produced in terms of its revelations about the the true nature, focus and direction of American policy towards Latin America. Just find it and watch it. From beginning to end. I'm serious. It will infuriate you, and you will never forget the lesson it teaches.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 10

As we touched upon two days ago, it was on this day in 1904, in Cairo, Egypt, that Aleister Crowley transcribed the third and final chapter of his Liber AL Vel Legis, or The Book of The Law. Here are some more details about this revelation. 

It all began when, during a trip to Egypt, Crowley performed a ritual to invoke the Egyptian deity Thoth. Soon afterwards, his then-wife, Rose Kelly, went into a light trance, repeatedly telling Crowley: "They are waiting for you."  Because Kelly had previously shown little interest in occult matters, Crowley ignored her. But then, one day, the couple paid a visit to Egypt's Buluq Museum, where Kelly was able to find, identify and (most importantly) explain the Stele of Revealing, an ancient Egyptian artifact. This convinced Crowley that Kelly was being truthful, so he began paying attention, at which point his Holy Guardian Angel, a being by the name of Aiwass, dictated the entirety of the Book of the Law through Kelly, whose words were dutifully transcribed by Crowley.

The Stele, by the way, is currently tucked hidden away in a disused corner of the Cairo Museum. As the central artifact in one of the most controversial New Religious Movements of the 20th century, it appears to be a source of embarrassment. Recently, an associate of yer old pal Jerky's hunted down the Stele and shot some footage of it on his camera phone. That video, now...

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On this day in 428, Nestorius becomes Patriarch of Constantinople.

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On this day in 837, Halley's Comet makes its closest approach to Earth at a distance equal to 0.0342 AU (5.1 million kilometres/3.2 million miles).

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On this day in 1606, the Virginia Company of London is established by royal charter by James I of England with the purpose of establishing colonial settlements in North America.

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On this day in 1710, the Statute of Anne, the first law regulating copyright, comes into force in Great Britain.

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On this day in 1865, a day after his surrender to Union forces, Confederate General Robert E. Lee addresses his troops for the last time.

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On this day in 1868, at Arogee in Abyssinia, British and Indian forces defeat an army of Emperor Tewodros II. While 700 Ethiopians are killed and many more injured, only two British/Indian troops die.

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On this day in 1919, Mexican Revolution leader Emiliano Zapata is ambushed and shot dead by government forces in Morelos.

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On this day in 1925, The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald is first published in New York City, by Charles Scribner's Sons.

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On this day in 1970, Paul McCartney announces that he is leaving The Beatles for personal and professional reasons.

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On this day in 2010, Polish Air Force Tu-154M crashes near Smolensk, Russia, killing 96 people, including Polish President Lech Kaczyński and dozens of other senior officials

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On this day in 1912, the Titanic leaves port in Southampton, England, for her first and only voyage.

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On this day in 1972, 74 nations sign the Biological Weapons Convention, the first multilateral disarmament treaty banning the production of biological weapons. Shortly thereafter, HIV and AIDS begin  working their Satanic magic, depopulating the resource-rich African continent. As an added bonus, they also begin to "deal with" America's troublesome homosexual and intravenous drug using communities. By the way, to those debunkers who claim that "conspiracy theories" about AIDS can be proven wrong simply by identifying strains that existed prior to that point in history where the transmission vector becomes so incredibly suspicious, I say to you, does the fact that a rock might be millions of years old mean that it can't be used to bash in another person's skull?

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 9

"Read Free or DIE!!!" The first ever tax-supported public library opens its doors in Peterborough, New Hampshire on this day in 1833.

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On this day in 1860, a French fellow by the name of Édouard-Léon Scott de Martinville makes the oldest known recording of an audible human voice - his own, singing Au Clair de la Lune, very slowly - on a machine of his own devising, which he christened the Phonautograph Machine! You can listen to this brief but creepy echo from the far, distant past here, on the machine's Wikipedia page.

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On this day in 1865, after four years of bloody combat that left 600,000 dead, Confederate General Robert E. Lee surrenders the Army of Northern Virginia to Ulysses S. Grant at the Appomattox Courthouse in Virginia. This effectively ends the American Civil War. Today, many revisionists try to argue that the Civil War wasn't about slavery - either the practice at it had evolved in the South, or its expansion into the newly developing Western states. Anybody who tries to argue this point is either pathetically ignorant of history or a bald-faced liar, and anything they have to say about any topic can therefore be dismissed as a-historical balderdash and/or right-wing propaganda.

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On this day in 1992, a U.S. federal court finds former Panamanian dictator and notorious, CIA asset, and Bush Crime Family crony Manuel Noriega guilty of drug and racketeering charges. Sentenced to 30 years in prison, Noriega was ultimately extradited to France in 2010, where he was tried for money laundering, and then back home to Panama in 2011, where he was tried over the murder of a domestic political challenger, and where he remains behind bars to this day.

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On this day in 2003, the world first learns that Patient Zero in the SARS pandemic just happened to fly on seven different planes to six different international locations in the span of six fucking days just two weeks earlier. He flew from Hong Kong to Munich on March 30, then flew to Barcelona where, according to authorities, he began developing symptoms. Undaunted, he hopped another plane to Frankfurt, then switched off and flew to London (same day, different plane). The day after that, he flew to Munich, then headed back to Frankfurt, again on a different plane. Eventually, he made his way back to Hong Kong, where he checked into a hospital and was confirmed to have SARS. Regarding these suspiciously ostentatious travel habits, authorities said: "He travels a lot." In other words: "Move along, nothing to see here."

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On this day in the year 2003, after the application of a little "Shock and Awe" by the "Coalition of the Willing", the city of Baghdad falls to advancing American forces. In the center of the city, a statue of Saddam Hussein is pulled down in what the mainstream media described as regular, everyday Iraqis turning on symbols of their former leader. In fact, that's still the way Wikipedia portrays those events. In reality, however, even the Pentagon was forced to admit that the whole thing was a stage-managed psychological operation. Oh well, it might have been a Big Lie, but at least it ended the war!

I'm kidding, of course. Because even though Preznit Dubya and all the bought-and-paid-for whores in the right-wing military/industrial/media propaganda complex declared victory, in reality, the war in Iraq had barely just begun. Ten years, six thousand dead Americans, a hundred times that many dead Iraqis and over a TRILLION wasted dollars later, the only undeniable truth about the war in Iraq. is that it was a wasteful, Satanic enterprise built upon a foundation of propaganda, forgery, and lies. There was no valid ethical, moral or legal justification for it, no matter how "easy" the task might have seemed back in the early days of what would ultimately turn out to be a completely Pyrrhic victory.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 8

On this day in 1820, the world famous Venus de Milo statue is discovered on the Aegean island of Melos. One of the most magnificent surviving examples of Ancient artistic genius, it is dated to between 130 and 100 BC. Western European art would not again achieve the level of sophistication on display in the Venus until the Renaissance, roughly fifteen hundred years later.

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During a three-day span beginning on this day in 1904, while visiting Cairo, Egypt, notorious British occultist Aleister Crowley “receives” the first chapter of The Book of the Law, the central sacred text of the religious philosophy that would come to be known as Thelema. Also known as Liber Al Vel Legis, this slim volume – allegedly dictated “from beyond” by Hoor-Paar-Kraat (“Horus the Child”) via a discarnate intermediary called Aiwass (whom Crowley would eventually claim as his own personal Holy Guardian Angel) – is widely regarded as kicking off the Aeon of Horus, which some have connected to both the Age of Aquarius and the New Age. This otherworldly revelation-by-dictation has come to be considered one of the most important mystical documents of the 20th century, and is well worth reading. 

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On this day in 2004, National Security Advisor the Reverend Doctor Condoleezza Rice Junior appears before the independent congressional commission investigating the terror attacks of 9/11 and delivers one of the longest opening statements in the history of opening statements. Whether this was due to the crushing weight of her guilty conscience, or a desire to bore people into changing the channel before the questioning began, only Condi knows for sure. In any case, here's the closing statement from her epic opening statement, to which hindsight has certainly not been kind:

"Today, along with many allies, we are helping the people of Iraq and Afghanistan to build free societies. And we are working with the people of the Middle East to spread the blessings of liberty and democracy as the alternatives to instability, hatred, and terror. … The defeat of terror and the success of freedom in those nations will serve the interests of our Nation and inspire hope and encourage reform throughout the greater Middle East. In the aftermath of September 11, those were the right choices for America to make -- the only choices that can ensure the safety of our Nation in the decades to come."

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On this day in 1946, after a series of disastrous failures and bungled opportunities, the League of Nations - which had risen from the ashes of World War One - assembles for last time before ultimately disbanding 4 days later, on April 12, leaving behind little more than an official emblem featuring one of the most eyebrow-raising and paranoia-inducing designs ever created. I mean, just look at it! Two pentagrams inside a pentagon? Come on!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 7

The leader of a small sect of nationalist Jewish separatists is crucified by Roman troops in Jerusalem on this day in the year 30 A.D.

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On this day in 451, Attila the Hun sacks the town of Metz and attacks other cities in Gaul.

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On this day in 1827, John Walker, an English chemist, sells the first friction match that he had invented the previous year.

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On this day in 1943, in Terebovlia, Ukraine, Germans order 1,100 Jews to undress to their underwear and march through the city of Terebovlia to the nearby village of Plebanivka where they are shot dead and buried in ditches.

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On this day in 1945, the Japanese battleship Yamato, the largest battleship ever constructed, is sunk by American planes 200 miles north of Okinawa while en route to a suicide mission in Operation Ten-Go.

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On this day in 1948, the World Health Organization (WHO) is established by the United Nations.

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On this day in 1967, film critic Roger Ebert published his very first film review in the Chicago Sun-Times.

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Today in 1969 is the Internet's symbolic birth date: publication of RFC 1.

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On this day in 1978, development of the neutron bomb is canceled by President Jimmy Carter.

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On this day in 1990, Reagan/Bush National Security Advisor John Poindexter is found guilty of five charges relating to the Iran-Contra scandal, including obstruction of justice, conspiracy and destroying evidence. The nation of Costa Rica still bars him entry after having officially labeled him as a drug trafficker. But that didn't stop Preznit Dubya from naming Poindexter to head up the Orwellean "Information Awareness Office" in February of 2002. He's only one of many former political felons who once have returned to positions of influence in the USA. Do some digging HERE if you're interested.

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On this day in 1994, massacres of Tutsis begin in Kigali, Rwanda.

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On this day in 1995, Russian paramilitary troops begin a massacre of civilians in Samashki, Chechnya.

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On this day in 1997, singer George Michael is arrested for jacking himself off in front of an undercover cop in a notoriously gay pickup washroom. Pee Wee Herman mistakenly assumes this means the heat is off. Dream on, Pee Wee!

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On this day in 2003, U.S. troops capture Baghdad; Saddam Hussein's regime falls two days later.

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On this day in 2009, former Peruvian President Alberto Fujimori is sentenced to 25 years in prison for ordering killings and kidnappings by security forces.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 6

On this day in 648 B.C., a total solar eclipse plunges Greece into mid-day darkness. It is the first total solar eclipse to be historically documented. BOOYAKASHA!

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On this day in 1250, during the Seventh Crusade, the Ayyubids of Egypt capture King Louis IX of France in the Battle of Fariskur.

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On this day in 1808, Illuminati bloodline vampire John Jacob Astor incorporates the American Fur Company, that would eventually make him America's first millionaire.

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On this day in 1830, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the original church of the Latter Day Saint movement, is organized by Joseph Smith, Jr. and others at Fayette or Manchester, New York. Thirty years later to the day, on this day in 1860, the "Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints" - later renamed Community of Christ - is organized by Joseph Smith III and others at Amboy, Illinois. Thirty three years later to the day, on this day in 1893, the Salt Lake Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is dedicated by Wilford Woodruff.

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On this day in 1869, celluloid is patented, making the mass success of photography and cinema possible.

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On this day in 1909, Robert Peary and Matthew Henson reach the North Pole.

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On this day in 1930, Gandhi raises a lump of mud and salt and declares, "With this, I am shaking the foundations of the British Empire," beginning the Salt Satyagraha. Also on this day, bakery executive James Dewar invents the Twinkie. Rampant obesity and the lamest legal defense ever ensue.

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On this day in 1965, the Early Bird communications satellite is launched. It is the first such satellite to be placed in geosynchronous orbit.

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On this day in 1974, Swedish pop band ABBA wins the Eurovision Song Contest 1974 with the song "Waterloo", launching their international career.

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What could be more humiliating than being a penniless, washed up, 23-year-old former child star from a show that sucked, anyway? How about being penniless, washed up, 23-year-old child star who gets caught breaking into a drugstore in the middle of the night in a desperate bid to score those painkillers to which he first became addicted as a hard-partying, overpaid teen? That's what happened to former Eight is Enough star Adam Rich on this day in 1991.

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On this day in 1994, the Rwandan Genocide begins when the aircraft carrying Rwandan president Juvénal Habyarimana and Burundian president Cyprien Ntaryamira is shot down.

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On this day in 2005, Kurdish leader Jalal Talabani becomes Iraqi president; Shiite Arab Ibrahim al-Jaafari is named premier the next day.

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On this day in 2011, in San Fernando, Tamaulipas, Mexico, over 193 bodies are exhumed from several mass graves made by Los Zetas drugs/occult gang/cult.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 5

On this day in the year 2348 B.C., Noah's ark runs aground on Mount Ararat. Yeah… right.

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On this day in 1242, during a battle on the ice of Lake Peipus, Russian forces, led by Alexander Nevsky, rebuff an invasion attempt by the Teutonic Knights.

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On this day in 1614, in Virginia, Native American Pocahontas marries English colonist John Rolfe.

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On this day in 1621, the Mayflower sails from Plymouth on a return trip to England, taking back all the pathetic pussies who couldn't hack life in the New World.

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On this day in 1722, the Dutch explorer Jacob Roggeveen discovers Easter Island.

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On this day in the year 1770, British troops kill five and wound several more after a sentry guard is taunted and pelted with snowballs at the Boston customs building. This event – now called the Boston Massacre – was instrumental in achieving popular support for the American Revolution.

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On this day in 1900, archaeologists in Knossos, Crete, discover a large cache of clay tablets with hieroglyphic writing in a script they call Linear B.

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On this day in 1922, the American Birth Control League, forerunner of Planned Parenthood, is incorporated.

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On this day in 1933, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signs two executive orders: 6101 to establish the Civilian Conservation Corps, and 6102 "forbidding the Hoarding of Gold Coin, Gold Bullion, and Gold Certificates" by U.S. citizens.

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On this day in 1949, Fireside Theater debuts on television.

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On this day in 1951, Ethel and Julius Rosenberg are sentenced to death for spying for the Soviet Union.

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On this day in 1958, Ripple Rock, an underwater threat to navigation in the Seymour Narrows in Canada is destroyed in one of the largest non-nuclear controlled explosions of the time.

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On this day in 1974, the World Trade Center first opens its doors. At the time, its Twin Towers were the world's tallest buildings… 110 stories high.

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On this day in 1976, in the People's Republic of China, the April Fifth Movement leads to the Tiananmen incident.

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On this day in 1987, upstart network FOX TV fires up its first night of programming, showcasing the proudly stupid sitcom Married With Children, and the proudly brainy sketchcom, The Tracey Ullman Show. Guess which one survived the longest? You know it, dumbass.

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On this day in 1992, Alberto Fujimori, president of Peru, dissolves the Peruvian congress by military force.

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On this day in 1992, the Siege of Sarajevo begins when Serb paramilitaries murder peace protesters Suada Dilberovic and Olga Sučić on the Vrbanja Bridge.

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On this day in 1994, Kurt Cobain decides it's better to burn out than to fade away. Either that, or Courtney paid someone to kill him. At least, that's what her dad says.

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On this day in 1999, two Libyans suspected of bringing down Pan Am flight 103 in 1988 are handed over for eventual trial in the Netherlands.

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On this day in 2009, North Korea launches its controversial Kwangmyŏngsŏng-2 rocket. The satellite passed over mainland Japan, which prompted an immediate reaction from the United Nations Security Council, as well as participating states of Six-party talks.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 4

On this day in 1147, we have the first historical record of Moscow.

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On this day in 1581, Francis Drake is knighted for completing a circumnavigation of the world.

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On this day in 1721, Sir Robert Walpole takes office as the first Prime Minister of the United Kingdom under King George I.

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On this day in 1768, in London, England, Great Britain, Philip Astley stages the first modern circus.

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On this day in 1841, President William Henry Harrison succumbs to pneumonia, thus becoming the first President of the United States to die in office. Harrison only served for one month, most of it bed-ridden, and he still managed to leave a greater legacy than Preznit Dubya.

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Happy Birthday NATO (North Atlantic Treaty Organization), which was signed into existence on this day in 1949.

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On this day in 1964, The Beatles occupy the TOP FIVE positions on the Billboard Hot 100 pop chart.

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On this day in 1967, Martin Luther King, Jr. delivers his "Beyond Vietnam: A Time to Break Silence" speech in New York City's Riverside Church. One year later, on this day in 1968, at 6:01 in the afternoon, the civil rights activist is leaning over the balcony railing of his second-floor room at the Motel Lorraine to speak to his chauffeur, when a slug from a high-powered rifle smashes through his chest, killing him. James Earl Ray is later arrested based on the testimony of Charles Stephens, who refuses to finger Ray until the FBI pays off his $30,000 bar tab, and who originally told police that the man he saw exiting the boarding house bathroom from whence the killshot had come was "a nigger." Click HERE if you're interested in finding out more well-documented weirdness surrounding the assassination of MLK.

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On this day in 1969, the most popular show on TV – The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour – is cancelled by CBS for airing political satire of the politically incorrect variety. Among their crimes, the Brothers dared to invite Pete Seeger, who sang an anti-war song on the air, in Prime Time. Adding insult to injury, the network replaced the vibrant, vital show with... Hee-Haw.

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On this day in 1973, the World Trade Center in New York is officially dedicated.

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The first entry in Winston Smith's diary as depicted in George Orwell's visionary dystopian novel Nineteen-Eighty Four, is written on this day in... you guessed it... 1984. You can read the entire novel online, for free, here.

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On this day in 1991, Senator John Heinz of Pennsylvania and six others are killed when a helicopter collides with their airplane over an elementary school in Merion, Pennsylvania.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 3

On this day in 1783, the governments of Sweden and the United States sign a treaty of Amity and Commerce. Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1860, the Pony Express mail service begins with Henry Wallace riding west from Missouri, and John Roff riding east from Sacramento, California. Wallace ends up beating Roff by two days in their criss-crossy race, which spans eighteen hundred miles, and the entire nation's imagination is captured... for about a year and a half. But even though the Pony Express Company folded in October of 1861, its very existence helped inspire the creation of the federal mail service which, to this day, continues such proud traditions as stealing cash from our birthday cards and fomenting disgruntlement amongst the psychopathic loners in their employ.

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On this day in 1868, some crazy Hawaiian fucker surfs a fifty foot tidal wave, the biggest wave ever ridden by a surfer who survived.

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On this day in 1888, the first of eleven unsolved brutal murders of women committed in or near the impoverished Whitechapel district in the East End of London, occurs.

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On this day in 1895, the trial in the libel case brought by Oscar Wilde begins, eventually resulting in his imprisonment on charges of homosexuality.

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On this day in 1922, Joseph Stalin becomes the first General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union.

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On this day, in the year 1930, the man formerly known as Ras Tafari becomes Haile Selassie - the Lion of Judah - Emperor of Ethiopia. So put on a Bob Marley CD, light up a fat one, and get to jammin... Ja mon!

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On this day in 1936, Bruno Richard Hauptmann is executed for the kidnapping and death of Charles Augustus Lindbergh, Jr., the baby son of pilot Charles Lindbergh.

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On this day in 1948, President Harry S. Truman signs the Marshall Plan, authorizing $5 billion in aid for 16 countries.

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After Triangle Publications bought up all the biggest regional television listings magazines in America - publications such as TV List, TV Forecast, TV Digest, Television Guide, TV God and The Idiot Box Times - the very first issue of TV Guide is published, nationwide, on this day in 1953. This is back in the day when we all still loved Lucy.

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On this day in 1955, the American Civil Liberties Union announces it will defend Allen Ginsberg's book Howl against obscenity charges.

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On this day in 1968, civil rights champion Martin Luther King Jr. predicts his own demise during the Mountaintop Speech. He would be dead, gunned down while chatting with well-wishers from a Memphis hotel balcony, within 24 hours. His killers have yet to be brought to justice.

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On this day in 1981, the Osborne 1, the first successful portable computer, is unveiled at the West Coast Computer Faire in San Francisco.

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On this day in 1988, Pittsburgh Penguin Mario Lemieux wins the NHL scoring title, putting an end to Wayne Gretzky's remarkable seven year streak, which causes the so-called "Great One" to cry like a freshly-spanked baby.

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On this day in 1996, after an 18-year reign of Luddite terror during which he killed 3 and maimed 29, Ted "the Unabomber" Kaczynski is arrested at his tiny cabin in the Montana wilderness. He was turned in by his brother, who always was a whiny little snitch. On that very same day, an Air Force 737 carrying Clinton administration Commerce Secretary Ron Brown flies into a mountain in Croatia. All 35 passengers and crew perish in the crash, sparking a flurry of conspiracy theories, of both the Negro and conservative variety, that make a whole helluva lot less sense than even the craziest theories about what really happened on 9/11.

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On this day in 2004, Islamic terrorists involved in the 11 March 2004 Madrid attacks are trapped by the police in their apartment and kill themselves.

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On this day in 2008, Texas law enforcement cordons off the FLDS's YFZ Ranch. Eventually 533 women and children will be removed and taken into state custody. This one goes a lot better than the one at Mount Carmel with the Branch Davidians. No kills at all!